Solstice Solace for a Brighter Future
Even in the throes of darkness, Kai Marcellus’ arrival refuels my joy and hope for a brighter tomorrow.
A couple months back, I joined an elite group of individuals tasked with providing the next generations with unconditional love.
Some friends who joined the grandparent club before me had, with a twinkle in their eyes, vaguely alluded to the transcendental state. Like members of a secret society, they seemed sworn by the specialness to its confidence. Would the extraordinariness be diluted if shared? Perhaps they simply didn’t want to gloat when membership was beyond my comprehension and control.
They were right to withhold. No words can completely capture the measure of my elation – direct and indirect.
Directly, I marvel at Kai's wide-eyed wonder as they explore the world with the curiosity of an astronomer discovering a new galaxy. Indirectly, I admire Kai’s mother Nyasha’s nurturing wisdom.
Like light from a distant galaxy, only attenuated by the receiver, while present with Kai I detect curiosity signals pinging the telescope of my soul. I imagine the beauty of their unchartered mind - a boundless cosmos waiting to be animated by their creativity. Undoubtedly, Kai’s interpretations will be different from mine - colonized by decades of weighted back propagation. They might even help me unlearn some calcified algorithms.
The infinite possibility of Kai’s emerging neural networks reminds me that my assignment, should I demonstrate the discipline, is to maximize Kai’s possibilities by minimizing the limitations I project. How, for example, might a child differently experience a basketball game or The Nutcracker ballet depending on whether their caretaker preemptively shares the script.
I can feel Kai’s gaze, whispering, full of curiosity and perhaps a hint of mischief, “I'm ready to explore. Follow me Papa.”
A wise child psychologist once told me that children need two things: safety and exposure – roots and wings. I aim to provide Kai an abundance of both.
Kai is more able to explore knowing that they are safe. The thought of emotional safety transports me to my second joy - Kai’s mother.
I am reminded of my daughter’s transformation becoming mother.
The journey of gestation and childbirth miraculously ushered her from woman to mother even as pregnancy brought with it physiological challenges. Post-partum, perhaps more routine though no less exhausting, sleepless nights and childhood infections seem to be more than counterbalanced with a confidence long incubating within her.
Certainly, the transformation began sometime before I took note. My earliest recognition occurred three months into her pregnancy. Nyasha requested a village welcome party. Two months before Kai arrived, elders, aunties, uncles, cousins, and community gathered at the home of Nyasha, Evan (Kai’s father), and Evan’s mother to celebrate those who have deposited love (roots and wings) into Nyasha and Evan’s lives, reminding them the circle would remain unbroken.
During Kai’s birth, the sage doula who had three decades earlier supported Nyasha’s birth, attended Kai’s arrival – a Grand-Doula! Then, as the three generations spent Kai’s first week in Nyasha’s mother's home, Nyasha and Kai were swaddled and her mothering confidence strengthened.
While still early in this new journey, the same community that guided Nyasha’s growth, supported her during pregnancy and childbirth, sustains her today, and imbues her motherhood with the magic that I wish for all new parents.
Each time I’m with Nyasha, when family and community are present, it appears that her mothering batteries are recharged. An unsurprising but no less remarkable transformation might find her knowingly adjusting Kai’s position to comfort them, looking into their eyes as she sings to them, or saying, “that boy needs to wake up and eat.”
In the face of the loneliness and anxiety that surrounds us, I’m confident that we need no more data to affirm that humans are wired to be nurtured in many reciprocally caring relationships. We already know. Like our photosynthesizing cousins, we thrive in rich soil.
In our species’ case, the mycelium is a collection of multigenerational and community bonds.
As more young parents follow their hearts, I grow increasingly hopeful for our next generation. And I know that Kai’s young soul is developing their gifts in service to humanity.